My birthday party the other night. A gorgeous friend-of-a-friend has just turned up, with a bunch of 5 red roses bought there and then from one of those persistent yet friendly rose sellers that are all over Milan after sunset – ok so not very classy, but sweet. Somehow we get onto the subject of how he’s into Ayurveda and does ayurvedic massage on the side (his day job is something in engineering). Then without being prompted he launches into an ayurvedic analysis of me: “I can see just from looking at you -from an ayurvedic perspective of course – that you’re someone who is very affected by those around them, by your friends’ moods. You’re a balanced person. And I can see that you have problems with your figure”. Me: “Sorry?!” “With your figure – you try and diet, but you just can’t manage it”. Me, still smiling despite it all: “Ha, well that’s charming!” “No no, but I’m speaking from a purely ayurvedic point of view, as an expert”. Ah, as an expert. Stick to the day job love.
A little later on in the evening and against my better judgment – actually my better judgment had turned in for the night long before – I was foolishly flirting wildly with him (or so my friends keep reminding me – doing the “hair thing” etc). He starts talking about how he had a couple of serious relationships when very young, but now he’s happily single and his parents down in Sicily have given up all hope. “I like to be free in a relationship. I like couples where both people are free, freer than they would be alone…”. That old chestnut…
I recounted these delightful conversation-stoppers to a male friend of mine who kindly translated them as,
“I think you’re a bit tubby, but I’d be up for a one night stand”. Nice!
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